Kansas City at Detroit (-8)
The NFL measures success by wins and losses, but shouldn’t it count for more if you get outgained by 150 yards by the Bills like the Chiefs did in week 1? The last time the Bills did that O.J. Simpson was making Hertz ads, flying around like Superman.
Pick: Chiefs
Oakland at Buffalo (-3)
Holy crap can anyone think of a game that America could care less about. Chances people in Oakland will wake up to watch this game are about as good as Al Davis’ chance of waking up period.
Pick: Raiders (and to win)
Tampa Bay at Minnesota (-3)
The NFL season was not the only thing happening last Sunday. The Women’s Final at the U.S. Open was being played. The Vikings have reported that they accidentally had Serena Williams playing quarterback and McNabb was the one who got crushed by Samantha Stosur in the Finals at the U.S. Open. Can’t blame them for that mix-up can you?
Pick: Bucs (and to win)
Chicago at New Orleans (-6.5)
Last week the Saints tried to channel their inner Chicago and play power football at the goal line. Meanwhile Jay Cutler tried to channel his in inner Drew Brees and not be a whiny, moronic quarterback. Both were fails, epic fails.
Pick: Saints
Baltimore at Tennessee (+6)
Did anyone tell Chris Johnson that his hold out was over? Oh, the Titans just gave him that much money to serve as a decoy, and set up the play action pass for their ancient quarterback to throw to their crappy receivers. That’s an expensive way to lose to the Jaguars, and everyone else in the league. Good thing they fired Jeff Fisher.
Pick: Ravens
Cleveland at Indianapolis (+2)
A Colts quarterback passed Joe Montana on the all-time passing yards list, and it was KERRY COLLINS? That can’t actually happen, just like the Browns being favored at Lucas Oil Stadium. Wow, the world really is going to end soon.
Pick: Browns
Jacksonville at New York (A) (-9)
The Jets might never wear their green pants this season. They saw how comfortable Mark Sanchez is in white pants, and he looks so good in them too. Anyone else want to push him down the stadium stairs and see where he lands?
Pick: Jets
Seattle at Pittsburgh (-14)
Remember when these two teams squared off in Super Bowl XL? Since then Hines Ward has faced DUI charges, Ben Roethlisberger crashed a motorcycle and has been accused of sexual assault twice, and they turned the ball over 7 times last week. The Seahawks are so bad they had to sign Tarvaris Jackson and chose to wear these uniforms. If you ask me these two teams don’t have a Super Bowl hangover, they are still on their Super Bowl benders.
Pick: Seahawks
Arizona at Washington (-3.5)
If the Arizona defense is really as bad as they are billed to be, Rex Grossman could be the in MVP conversation; but only after two games. Eventually he will disappoint cross-dressing Redskins fans beyond repair, and they will want their cross-dressing running back to return.
Pick: Redksins
Green Bay at Carolina (+10)
Last week, Cam Newton lost for the first time since 2009, when he was in Junior College. Also, Jimmy Clausen didn’t get booed for the first time since 2009, when he was at Notre Dame, which at this point is Junior College football.
Pick: Packers
Dallas at San Francisco (+3)
How do you lose the tag of “America’s Team?” You have Tony Romo at quarterback choke under pressure like the French army, or like your biggest fan, LeBron James, and have him cheer you on from a skybox as you do it. Yup, Cowboys you have officially accomplished that task and are now, “Jerry Jones’ Expensive Overrated Team that Plays Well for 3 Quarters and then Blows It.” Doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.
Pick: Cowboys
San Diego at New England (-7)
This match-up could be a preview of the AFC Championship game. What separates these teams? Bill Belichick coaches the Patriots and the Chargers are led by Norv Turner. Who would you want taking a math test for you; an MIT grad or the weird kid down the street who eats his boogers? That’s right, Norv Turner eats his own boogers.
Pick: Patriots
Houston at Miami (+3)
The Patriots ran up the score on the Dolphins, seemingly in part because Tony Sparano got really excited when his team scored. It’s not his fault his offense sucks and even he was shocked when Chad Henne was able to do something of value.
Pick: Texans
Cincinnati at Denver (-3.5)
Broncos fans are taking out a billboard in support of Tim Tebow. Meanwhile Notre Dame fans have taken out a billboard apologizing to Brady Quinn and asking him to come back.
Pick: Broncos
Philadelphia at Atlanta (+2.5)
Instead of running a Madden simulation for this game, all across the country people have put jerseys on dogs and fought them to pick the winner…too soon?
Pick: Falcons (and to win)
St. Louis at New York (N) (-6)
The Rams lost half of their team to injuries in the first week and Eli Manning still cried more than the rest of the guys in this game combined. Archie has looked into disowning Eli so that the Manning quarterback legacy isn’t further damaged while his prodigal son recovers from surgery.
Pick: Giants
Last Week: 5-10-1
Last Week Just Winners: 7-9
thebullpenblogger 