Houston at New Orleans (-3.5)
Watching the Saints sack Jay Cutler as often as Brian Cushing injects himself with performance enhancers couldn’t help but remind you of the days when the Houston Texans played what appeared to be a bunch of uncoordinated meatheads at offensive line in front of David Carr. Could you imagine if Jay Cutler backed up Eli Manning like Carr does now? That quarterbacking tandem would be whinier then a pre-school class that hasn’t had a nap.
Pick: Saints
New York (N) at Philadelphia (-7.5)
Remember when Tom Coughlin pulled his best Andy Reid and screwed up the end of a game like this? How do both of these coaches still have their jobs?
Pick: Eagles
Jacksonville at Carolina (-3.5)
CAM NEWTON!!! Cam Newton has thrown for 854 yards in his first two games. The entire Jaguars offense has gained 526 yards in the first two games. The Panthers have zero wins and the Jaguars have one. Sucks to be good enough to be the top pick and have a team that is as bad as the Panthers.
Pick: Jaguars (and to win)…this might just be a spite pick against Cam Newton.
New England at Buffalo (+8.5)
The last time the Bills beat the Patriots facebook, the iPod, and YouTube all did not exist. But the world was a better place because there was less discrimination, midget flag football players were allowed the same chance to play in the NFL, see.
Pick: Patriots
Miami at Cleveland (-2.5)
Last time Reggie Bush played against Sheldon Brown he got hit so hard he forgot how to play football. That is why he now plays for the Dolphins.
Pick: Dolphins (and to win).
San Francisco at Cincinnati (-2.5)
The two quarterbacks featured in this game played at The University of Utah and Texas Christian respectively. These two programs are at the heart of conference realignment, when asked about it Smith and Dalton both responded, “Maybe if our teams had been in good conferences we could have comfortably looked like crap in college and gotten a chance to play for good teams in the NFL. That would have been nice.”
Pick: 49ers (and to win)
Denver at Tennessee (-7)
Chris Johnson still has yet to break the 100-yard mark, for the season, combined, total. He has 77 yards on the ground. Oddly enough, 77-yards was the total number of yards for a RB the last time the Broncos held a team under 100 yards. It was in that same year, 1987, that a prophesy was made that a savior QB would come off of the bench to play WR and have 0 total yards for the Broncos.
Pick: Titans (and to win)
Detroit at Minnesota (+3.5)
In my viewing of college football this season on ESPN, I have found myself asking, “Why did they hire Matt Millen? He’s an idiot and drove the Lions into the ground.” Now I find myself asking, “Why does Donovan McNabb have a job? Oh, because Rick Speilman is an idiot and is driving the Vikings into the ground.” Former idiots against current idiots, who wins?
Pick: Former idiots (Lions)
Baltimore at St. Louis (+3.5)
How do you know the Ravens defense isn’t as good as it used to be? They hold Chris Johnson to 53 yards and lose to the Titans because they let MATT HASSELBECK throw for 358 yards. Now they face a Rams team without Steven Jackson…Sam Bradford for 400 anybody?
Pick: Ravens
New York (A) at Oakland (+3.5)
When asked what they might do in Oakland while they are there several Jets players had responses. LaDainian Tomlinson said he might try to meet up with old teammates from San Diego, Mark Sanchez said he might go back to his alma mater, the receiving corps said they may try to see Braylon Edwards in San Francisco. Antonio Cromartie said, “I dunno, this is one of the few cities in which I don’t have a kid. So I might go and do that.”
Pick: Jets
Kansas City at San Diego (-14.5)
The probability of Vince Wilfork catching more passes from Philip Rivers than Antonio Gates have to be about as good as getting BLOWN out by the Bills and Lions in consecutive weeks by a combined score of 89-10. Oh, wow, both of those things happened. I would say that I have seen stranger, but I don’t know.
Pick: Chargers.
Arizona at Seattle (+3.5)
Remember when Pete Carroll and Matt Leinart were an unstoppable force and being talked about as one of the best college teams in history? There was talk that the two would reunite in Seattle. Instead Carroll decided that Tarvaris Jackson would be a better bet…than the former Heisman winning, all-everything quarterback. Man the Cardinals really screwed Matt Leinart up.
Pick: Seahawks (and to win)
Atlanta at Tampa Bay (-1.5)
When asked how it felt to come from behind and beat the vaunted Eagles, Matt Ryan responded with, “It was great, I just wish we could have done it against Mick Vick and not Mike Kafka.” Josh Freeman asked how it felt to come from behind to beat the Vikings, he responded, “It felt great, I just wish we could have done it against a good football team, not the Vikings.”
Pick: Falcons (and to win)
Green Bay at Chicago (+3.5)
Last week Brian Urlacher played after enduring the death and funeral of his mother. In that one game he showed more heart and faith in his teammates than Jay Cutler has shown in his pro and college careers combined.
Pick: Packers
Pittsburgh at Indianapolis (+10.5)
Both of these teams got embarrassed in week 1. The Steelers responded by winning 24-0 in week 2. The Colts responded by losing at home…to the Browns…the Browns. The one time people in Indiana might be looking forward to the Pacers season starting the NBA might lockout. Life is more miserable than usual in Indianapolis.
Pick: Colts
Washington at Dallas (-6.5)
DeAngelo Hall stated publicly that he would go after Tony Romo’s ribs because of the injury he suffered in week 2. Tim Tebow weighed in saying that he wouldn’t suffer that kind of injury because his was removed by God to create woman. That’s right I have now referenced Adam and Jesus when describing Tim Tebow, he is the new hybrid. No, not crappy quarterback and crappier receiver, first man and the son of man. BOOM.
Pick: Redskins
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