NFL Week 16 Handicapper

Houston at Indianapolis (+6.5)

This looked like a great last season match-up, one that might have even helped decide the AFC South.  Instead this is a late season ego boost for T.J. Yates after he finally looked human for the Texans.  Seriously, the same guys who once earned Super Bowl rings for the Colts, can now only help their team by earning them the first pick in the draft. DON’T BLOW IT.

Pick:  Colts.

Denver at Buffalo (+3)

Tim Tebow finally came crashing to Earth against Tom Brady’s Patriots.  So what better place for the “Mile High Messiah” to come back than the most God-forsaken place on Earth (especially when it comes to football)—Buffalo.

Pick:  Denver.

Arizona at Cincinnati (-4.5)

The Bengals are fighting for their playoff lives.  A.J. Green looked healthy again and while they didn’t look great, they got an important win last week.  The Cardinals are fighting to decide which QB with a QBR below 40 should be their starter; the man who was the best backup last year, Kevin Kolb, or the man the who broke all sort of records at Fordham, John Skelton; not the best options ever.

Pick:  Bengals.

Jacksonville at Tennessee (-7.5)

What’s the best thing about this season for these two teams?  That the NFL adjusted the day of games and that they stink bad enough that they won’t have to practice on Sunday so they can spend Christmas with their families.

Pick:  Titans.

Oakland at Kansas City (-2.5)

The Chiefs pulled off what no other team could this year—they beat the Packers.  And the Raiders pulled off what everyone thought they were capable of this season and that was blowing a huge lead by making mistakes that pee-wee teams don’t make as regularly as the Raiders do.

Pick:  Raiders (and to win).

Miami at New England (-7.5)

Aaron Hernandez finally broke out of the shadow of Rob Gronkowski last week as he was the prime target for Brady in their nationally televised beat down of the Broncos.  Hernandez has announced that by getting out from Gronkowski’s shadow, he has stopped the spread of the A-Hole Disease that has infected Gronkowski.

Pick:  Patriots.

New York (N) at New York (A) (-3)

Whats that?  Tom Coughlin is on the hot seat and Rex Ryan is running his mouth faster than he has ever actually run in his entire life?  That’s never happened before.  Oh wait, I am so sick of idiot New York coaches, idiot New York fans, and idiot New York players.  New York should be given a multi-year ban for being jerks.

Pick:  Giants (and to win).

St. Louis at Pittsburgh (-10)

To say that Sam Bradford has regressed and looks really bad this year is like saying Ben Roethlisberger has bad style…just doesn’t quite cover it.

Pick:  St. Louis.

Minnesota at Washington (-6.5)

This would be a good football game…if the Giants and Jets weren’t playing, if the Bears and Packers weren’t playing, if any of the other teams in the NFL weren’t playing, and if Nevada and Southern Miss weren’t playing in the Hawaii Bowl.

Pick:  Vikings.

Tampa Bay at Carolina (-7.5)

The Eagles and Chargers are most often cited as the most disappointing teams in the NFL so far this season.  The Buccaneers are right up there, however.  They have really let down the old folks who have been stuck in homes in the Tampa area by their children because they don’t want to take care of them.

Pick:  Panthers.

Cleveland at Baltimore (-11)

The “Colt McCoy Rule” will take affect this week.  Teams will now have independent physicians at each game to make sure that required concussion precautions are actually being taken.  How embarrassing is it to have a rule named after you because you got absolutely lit up by the Mack truck named James Harrison and your subsequent play led people to believe you had to be concussed because no one in their right mind plays that poorly.  People forget though that he plays for the Browns, and actually they ALL play that badly ALL the time.

Pick:  Ravens.

San Diego at Detroit (-2)

The Chargers finally looked like they have life once again and are still in the hunt for a division title.  Is it just me or should the Broncos, Raiders, Cowboys, and Giants be labeled as some of the most inept teams in the NFL because they haven’t been able to eliminate the Chargers and Eagles from the playoff picture after the heinous seasons that they have had?

Pick:  Chargers (and to win).

Philadelphia at Dallas (Pick)

The Eagles scare Jerry Jones.  You know what should scare Jerry Jones?  Certainties.  Death (knocking on his door), taxes (he pays a lot of them), and the fact that the Cowboys are now a terribly mediocre team led by a terribly mediocre QB, a terribly mediocre coach, and a flat out terrible defense.

Pick:  Cowboys.

San Francisco at Seattle (+1.5)

The 49ers came out in front of a national television audience and punched the always-tough Steelers in the mouth.  The only bad thing for the 49ers is that Ben Roethlisberger looked about as good as Caleb Hanie did against the Seahawks last week…and only one of them is injured.

Pick:  49ers.

Chicago at Green Bay (-11.5)

The Bears are going to start Josh McCown instead of the Ryan Leaf-looking Caleb Hanie.  Good thing the Bears didn’t pickup Donovan McNabb or David Garrard, because they would be so much worse than Caleb Hanie because he knows the system.  Apparently the system is to completely tank their playoff hopes this season and make the Bears fans plead for the return of previously vilified Jay Cutler next season to help them back to wherever it is he can take them.

Pick:  Packers.

Atlanta at New Orleans (-7)

Drew Brees will more than likely break the single season yardage record held by Dan Marino in either this game or the next.  Julio Jones will more than likely break the hearts of Falcons fans in these playoffs or the next…if he is healthy enough to play in them.  So much for all of those draft picks they gave up.

Pick:  Saints.

NFL Week 15 Handicapper

Jacksonville at Atlanta (12.5)

The Falcons looked poised to return to the playoffs yet again with Matt Ryan running the show.  The Jaguars looked poised for a move to Los Angeles because there is no such thing as a Jacksonville fan to watch the show, however pathetic, being put on by Blaine Gabbert.

Pick:  Falcons.

Dallas at Tampa Bay (+9)

The Cowboys players were excited for their trip to Tampa Bay, because they want to remain as warm as possible on their way down the chute in yet another December collapse.  The funny thing is, with the holidays America’s team collapses, but America’s economy gets a boost.

Pick:  Bucs.

Miami at Buffalo (Pick)

Surprising that after Monday Night Football featured Seattle and St. Louis last week that they didn’t pick up another game between division rivals that is completely unimportant and bound to be more boring than winter in upstate New York.

Pick:  Bills (to win)

Seattle at Chicago (-3.5)

It was the hand of God that forced Marion Barber out-of-bounds and caused him to fumble the ball last week against the Broncos, right?  Wrong, it was the fact that he played for the Dallas Cowboys and caught the disease known as “Tonius Decemberomo” or for short, “Tony Romo’s Disease.”

Pick:  Bears.

Tennessee at Indianapolis (+6.5)

Chris Johnson has looked like an all-pro yet again the last few weeks.  The closest thing that the Colts have to an all-pro is Jim Irsay’s Twitter game.

Pick:  Colts.

Green Bay at Kansas City (+11)

The biggest blow that Green Bay has suffered all year was Greg Jennings spraining his knee last week.  The biggest blow that the Chiefs suffered was starting the year with the roster that they had.

Pick:  Packers.

Cincinnati at St. Louis (+7)

Andy Dalton and the Bengals at one point found themselves holding the top seed in the AFC, but now they need to stop a slide and push their way into the playoffs.  Luckily for them, they play the Rams who are essentially an emergency brake in the cars of all other NFL teams.

Pick:  Bengals.

New Orleans at Minnesota (+7.5)

The Saints are arguably the biggest threat to beating the Packers.  The Vikings, meanwhile, are the biggest threat to beating the Jaguars to Los Angeles.  The Vikings could join the Lakers as professional teams to flee Minnesota for the glamour of LA, they might also finally win some titles if they make that move like the Lakers have.

Pick:  Saints.

Washington at New York (N) (-6.5)

Remember when the Redskins opened the year with a victory over the G-Men and we thought that the race was on in the NFC East?  Too bad Rex Grossman is like a time bomb and when he goes off he explodes crap in all directions.

Pick:  Giants.

Carolina at Houston (-6)

The Texans have already clinched the first division title in the franchise’s history, and did so in spite of injuries.  The Panthers have remained in obscurity and have done so in spite of being able to legally pay Cam Newton and his teammates.

Pick:  Panthers.

Detroit at Oakland (+3)

Both of these teams are trying to fight their way out of recent struggles and make their mark on playoff football.  No one has been talking about this game, however, because the last time that a game between these two has had playoff implications was before Al Davis knew what football was.

Pick:  Lions.

New England at Denver (+7.5)

Huh, didn’t know this game was being played this week.  No one is talking about it at all.  Has anyone else seen the ads for the Christian dating website?  I think that they should have Tim Tebow do an ad during the game saying, “Are you sick of pretty boys, and guys with babies out of wedlock?  Stop thinking about looks first and think about God’s role in your relationships.”  They should also make sure their ad comes immediately after Tom Brady’s Ugg boot commercial.

Pick:  Patriots.

New York (A) at Philadelphia (-3)

Teams that have Philadelphia on the schedule still are now being said to have “tough” schedules.  What will it take for people to give up on the hype and “potential” that this Eagles’ team has?  This team is terrible.  The players haven’t come together, the coaching staff is a joke, and people would rather watch a crappier version of Mike Vick play in Denver.

Pick:  Jets (and to win).

Cleveland at Arizona (-6.5)

Colt McCoy was in the news because the hit that he suffered at the hands of James Harrison earned Harrison a suspension and so it was played over and over and over again.  Good thing McCoy will have no recollection of seeing it at all because of the concussion that he wasn’t tested for.  Good job cracking down on those NFL.

Pick:  Cardinals.

Baltimore at San Diego (+2.5)

The Chargers are sliding hard at the end of the year and it looks like they will fall short of the playoffs because of Tim Tebow’s comebacks.  Norv Turner won’t end up being fired because of his own stupidity, but rather someone else’s genius.  Funny how that goes.

Pick:  Ravens.

Pittsburgh at San Francisco (-3)

Well this is weird, a good game between two classic, storied franchises featured on Monday night.  I have become so accustomed to not even thinking of watching football on Monday that I now have to reconsider my whole life it feels like.

Pick:  Steelers (and to win).

NFL Week 14 Handicapper

Cleveland at Pittsburgh (-14)

 How do you find your way to complete irrelevance?  Just ask any team in the Cleveland area.  They have Peyton Hillis, who donned the cover of Madden 12, has only 321 yards this year, 3 more than Isaac Redman (the Steelers backup).  Colt McCoy played for a better team wearing orange in college than he is on right now.  And the best team that their leading receiver has ever played for was his college basketball team…that’s right, a completely different sport.

Pick:  Browns.

Houston at Cincinnati (-3)

 Anyone else shocked to hear that Marvin Lewis is the 3^rd longest tenured coach with one team in the NFL right now behind Andy Reid and Bill Belichick.  That’s like listing 3 Nobel Laureates, two of whom are straight genius and the other one stole his work from someone else and passed it off as his own.  In Lewis’ case though, he probably would have had one of his many criminal players steal the work for him.

Pick:  Bengals.

Minnesota at Detroit (-10)

 The Vikings got Tebow-ed—BOOM.  Really though, they shouldn’t be worried about that; instead, they should be worried that they really got Ponder-ed when he threw that late interception and put the Broncos in position to win.  It’s weird, Ponder-ing looks a lot like Favre-ing, and he isn’t even with the team anymore.

Pick:  Vikings (and to win).

New Orleans at Tennessee (+3.5)

 Drew Brees is on pace for his second 5,000 yard passing season, an unprecedented feat in the world of quarterbacks.  Matt Hasselbeck is on pace for his third straight season of starting at least 14 games, which is unprecedented for a completely bald old guy.

Pick:  Saints.

Philadelphia at Miami (-3)

 This matchup is actually pretty interesting as Philadelphia is bound to lose all of their “talent” to the Miami Dolphins in the offseason just like teams in other sports are losing their “talents” to South Beach.

Pick:  Eagles (and to win).

Kansas City at New York (A) (-10.5)

 The Chiefs haven’t scored more than 10 points in the last five games they have played.  In related news, Rex Ryan hasn’t had fewer than 10 chins in the last five years.

Pick:  Chiefs.

New England at Washington (+8)

 The Patriots are rolling to the playoffs on the arm of Tom Brady, the legs of BenJarvus “The Law Firm” Green-Ellis, and the hands of Wes Welker.  The Redskins are hurdling to the all too well known bottom of the division on the arm of Rex Grossman and John Beck, the legs of Roy Helu, and the hands of Fred Davis.  Well, when you put it that way, 4 wins might actually be the top for these guys.

Pick:  Patriots.

Atlanta at Carolina (+3)

 Julio Jones hasn’t quite been the player that the Falcons had wanted him to be when they drafted him, but a lot of it has been due to injuries.  Cam Newton hasn’t quite had the impact on the Panthers’ record that they had wanted when they drafted him, but a lot of it has been due to crappy teammates.

Pick:  Falcons

Tampa Bay at Jacksonville (+3)

In the battle for Florida, all of the retirement communities will be buzzing with excitement.  In other news, Viagra has sent free samples to people in Florida trying to undermine their rival Cialis.  Let’s face it; no one really cares about this game at all.

Pick:  Bucs.

Indianapolis at Baltimore (-16.5)

 Archie Manning started his attempt to protect his sons’ starting position in Indy as the Colts are looking at the top pick in the upcoming NFL draft and should take Andrew Luck.  You thought that those over-protective parents stopped when little league was over…FALSE.

Pick:  Ravens.

Chicago at Denver (-3)

 Tebow-ing would appear to be the complete opposite of Cutler-ing.  One tries harder than anyone else in the NLF, demands the best of his teammates, wins games by whatever means necessary, and endears fans across the country to him.  The other, well the other is Jay Cutler who is the epitome of…well, he’s Jay Cutler.

Pick:  Broncos.

San Francisco at Arizona (+3.5)

 San Francisco has clinched the NFC West already, which for them means a return to prominence and dominance.  For the Cardinals it means yet another year in irrelevance and the stark realization for their three fans that these games just don’t matter.

Pick:  49ers.

Oakland at Green Bay (-12)

 Carson Palmer has looked to be the best solution that any team has found in the multitude of QB injuries that have plagued the NFL so far this year.  And that is with weapons at receiver that would remain on the bench behind the receivers that Aaron Rodgers benefits from.

Pick:  Packers.

Buffalo at San Diego (-7)

 The only thing that could stop these two teams from hurdling to the bottom on losing streaks that would make the Lions cringe is playing each other.  Seriously, these two teams are crashing even worse then you thought a team coached by Norv Turner and the Bills would, which is bad.

Pick:  Bills.

New York (N) at Dallas (-4.5)

 This game will go a long way towards deciding which of these teams makes the playoffs.  So this game is both important and in December.  At least we know that Tony Romo won’t show up and will play about as well as the Eagles have all season long.

Pick:  Giants (and to win).

St. Louis and Seattle (-10)

 I think its clear to everyone that this game was slotted for Monday Night Football because the NFL was hoping that these two teams would once again be in a battle to win the division with a losing record.  As it turns out though, these two teams are just in a battle for absolutely nothing.  Seriously, these are the games that make you wonder how athletes stay excited about playing this crap game.

Pick:  Seahawks.

Why the NBA Is No Longer a League of Basketball Players

The nuclear winter is over before it began; there will be an NBA season beginning on Christmas Day.  Now, you might be expecting me, as a fan of everything encompassed in sport, to be rejoicing loudly over the new collective bargaining agreement (CBA) and the prospect of an NBA season.  This, however, is not my reaction.

As I have previously stated my displeasure with many of the rules and regulations that have been implemented (or have failed to be implemented) in Major League Baseball (MLB), I will so too point to some clear areas where the NBA needs to improve so that it can hold someone’s interest in the regular season.  Ready for the rants of a lover of “old-school”?

The first thing that the NBA has to do to keep the regular season intriguing is make it smaller—don’t reduce the number of games, reduce the number of teams.  How drastic a change?  Eight teams. Not a couple.  Eight.  Basketball is different from every other major sport in one extremely important regard; smaller teams and the nature of the game allow for star players, or even a single star player, to have a greater impact on a team’s success.  The top 10 quarterbacks in career passing yards have won a combined 5 Super Bowls, and one of them, Drew Bledsoe, didn’t play for his team when they won, instead he watched from the bench.  Excluding Babe Ruth, the other 9 of the top 10 baseball players in career homeruns have won a combined 6 World Series titles.  Wayne Gretzky, unquestionably the best hockey player of all time, did win 4 Stanley Cups, but played for 21 years.  And the other top 9 players in terms of goals scored won a combined 17 (including 5 by Mark Messier who won many of his with Gretzky).  The average career of the top 10 players in career NHL goals in the , is over 20 years; much longer than the average career length of the top NBA scorers.  How many NBA Championships have the top 10 scorers in NBA history won? 28.

The best hitter in MLB has eight teammates that bat in between his plate appearances.  The best pitcher can, at best, record half of the outs required to complete a game.  The best forwards in hockey are on the ice for about one third of the game.  The best football players play either offense or defense, not both.  The best basketball players, however, play about 40 minutes, or five sixths of the game—a much higher percentage than stars in other sports.

So how does contraction help the NBA?  By having more teams, there is a greater demand for players.  By expanding the number of players required to fill NBA rosters, there is a lower threshold of talent necessary to be on a roster.  This means that the star players, who already have more impact on games than other sports, are playing against teams that are devoid of comparable talent.

This is obvious at the center position.  Sports economists have quite accurately, described the problem as “a short supply of tall people.” (pun intended).  The number of people with supreme athletic ability, strength, endurance, and 7 feet of height is incredibly small.  By contracting the number of teams it forces star players to play against teams that, even though they may lack a single “star,” have a higher level of talent on their roster.  So goodbye Raptors, Bucks, Bobcats, Wizards, Timberwolves, Jazz, Warriors, and Grizzlies—it was fun while it lasted.

What else would help with the problem of star players playing a bloated role in the NBA?  A hard salary cap.  There is too much wiggle room for teams to find ways around the pathetic soft cap that now determines the level of team payrolls in the NBA.  Force teams to adequately supplement the top talent on their rosters with role-players they can afford.  Prevent clusters of talent finding their way to one team like we now find in Los Angeles, Miami, New York (soon to be more I am sure), Boston, and to lesser extents Chicago, Orlando, and San Antonio.

On a side note you will notice that I have left the Dallas Mavericks and the Oklahoma City Thunder off of that list.  That is because I believe that Mark Cuban has done an extremely good job at supplementing Dirk Nowitzki with a combination of savvy veterans and energetic youth.    The Thunder, have two huge pieces in Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook (who is still on his rookie contract), and they have built around them with complementary pieces such as:  Thabo Sefolosha, Kendrick Perkins, Serge Ibaka, James Harden, and Nazr Mohammed.

By instituting a hard cap, it forces teams to build…well, teams.  The success of well-built teams is falling to gaggles of friends (Carmelo Anthony and Chris Paul, LeBron and D-Wade, e.g.) who make deals with each other off of the court, completely undermining the NBA.

Alright, so those two changes are, unfortunately for you, less old school than the ones that I am now going to argue for.

First, no more 10-foot basket, I am envisioning at least 12-feet.  The fact that guys can dunk with the same effort that they put into defense (which, if you didn’t understand, is effectively zero), is stupid.  Want me to get even crazier?

This change I endorse with less fervor than the others, but make dunks worth 1 point.  If people are fans of the game simply because these guys can throw down, go watch the Harlem Globetrotters or a pick-up game at the local YMCA.  This is basketball, not a show.

Speaking of basketball, if I remember correctly, it is a team sport.  The current 24-second shot clock that is utilized in the NBA does not allow for enough ball movement.  They should either go back to a 35-second clock, or do away with it all together.  Lets see some passes, not isolations over-and-over again.  Teamwork should be important in team sports, but basketball has done all it can to eliminate it from the equation completely.

Now you are probably thinking that I am a points-Grinch and that I want to see winning teams score 60 points.  Now that is just not true; I have another change that increases the importance of teamwork, but also increases scoring.

The dimensions of the court should be altered so that it is both longer and wider.  By making the court bigger and spreading the players out, defense becomes simultaneously harder and more important.  Increased movement away from the ball, because there is more space to maneuver in, allows for more intricate and a higher rate of passes.  On both ends of the ball, a bigger court means an increased premium on teamwork.

The size of players, both height and muscular build, have increased over the years, but the hoop-height and court size have not reflected these changes.

Really, all of the changes that I want to see instituted on the court (as opposed to the salary cap in the front office), are ones that increase the importance of the ability to shoot, pass, and play fundamental team defense; you know, basketball skills.  A bunch of athletic guys shouldn’t be enough anymore, it is making basketball a lower form of sport relative to the others.

The sport of basketball, as evidenced by the trouble in solidifying a new CBA, is facing some amount of trouble.  The watered down play that is now a mere spectacle is the underlying problem.  Lets face it, people don’t care about basketball as much as they used to, or even could.  Demand the changes of these so called “basketball players.”  Weed out the frauds.

NFL Week 13 Handicapper

Philadelphia at Seattle (+3)

Has there ever been another team to look as bad as the Eagles have after the amount of hype that surrounded the beginning of their season?  It’s like Philadelphia has become the Cleveland of Pennsylvania.  The only way that the Eagle’s playoff hope would be alive is if they were playing in the NFC of last year when everyone was the Cleveland of their respective states.

Pick:  Eagles

Tennessee at Buffalo (-1.5)

 Everyone has to be doing it now.  Making the connection that Stevie Johnson is the LeBron James of football.  They both did the mock Plaxico Burress shooting himself in the leg routine after scoring touchdowns this past week (LeBron in a flag football game), and neither one can score in the fourth quarter to help their teams win.

Pick:  Bills

Kansas City at Chicago (-7)

 These are just two of the teams to get hit hard by the quarterback injuries that seem to be running rampant through the league.  You can tell that teams are getting desperate when they are fighting over Kyle Orton; including the Bears who are fighting to have Orton back for a second go around.  But you can’t blame the Chiefs.  I mean seriously did you see Tyler Palko trying to throw the football?  He looked like a blind guy…with a terrible arm.

Pick:  Bears

Oakland at Miami (-3)

 Could the Raiders really be in the driver seat of the AFC West?  Who says it’s a passing league when you can win your division and have your best player be your kicker?  Seriously, Sebastian Janikowski is the best player on that roster.

Pick:  Raiders (and to win)

Denver at Minnesota (-1.5)

 Can you really call it another great 4^th quarter comeback for Tim Tebow if it comes against the Vikings who give them up more often than Tebow prays?  It would be more impressive if the Broncos could play this entire game while leading.

Pick:  Broncos (and to win)

Indianapolis at New England (-20)

 I know the Colts’ problem.  They have Dan Orlovsky starting at quarterback.  The last time Orlovsky started in the NFL?  When he was on the Lions team that went 0-16.  Usually this would be the flex game that NBC chooses to air on Sunday Night Football. Instead they chose to stay further away from this game than girls do when they see Curtis Painter without a helmet on.

Pick:  Colts

Cincinnati at Pittsburgh (-6.5)

 Has there been a better rookie combination than Andy Dalton and AJ Green?  Seriously they are tearing it up like a couple of college kids getting benefits from boosters still.  Didn’t anyone tell them school is over, they are in the real world now, and they need to earn their own money?

Pick:  Bengals

Carolina at Tampa Bay (-3)

 LaGarrette Blount has quickly become one of the best running backs in the league.  I think he is a better running back than Cam Newton, even.  The difference?  At least Blount helps his team win games with the numbers he puts up.

Pick:  Bucs

New York (A) at Washington (+3)

 Sione Pouha, the defensive tackle for the Jets, showed that the Jets are in the denial stage of their crappiness.  After he pretended to shoot himself in the leg, Stevie Johnson put his arms out and “flew” around the endzone like a jet—he then fell to the turf.  Pouha said that this celebration, based on the events of 9/11, was insensitive especially since his team is from New York. Two points:

1. I think he did it as a dig to the “Jets” falling to earth and realizing that they are not as good as their bloated coach has made their bloated egos to believe.
2. The Bills ACTUALLY play their home games in New York.  The Jets play in NEW JERSEY, Pouha, NOT New York.

Pick:  Jets

Atlanta at Houston (+2.5)

 The Houston Texans had it made.  This was their year.  Peyton Manning had to sit, the Colts were vulnerable, they could win the AFC South.  Now they have to start TJ Yates at quarterback.  The good news for them the list of starting quarterbacks in the AFC South this week looks like a list of Bears-level talent at quarterback over the last 10 years:  Yates, Dan Orlovsky, Blaine Gabbard, and an ancient Matt Hasselbeck (who will probably see Jake Locker take some snaps from him).

Pick:  Atlanta

Baltimore at Cleveland (+6.5)

 This is just the type of game that the Ravens would lose the week after beating the 49ers, owners of the second best record in the NFL.  Joe Flacco and company are more inconsistent than the play of those who have donned the cover of “Madden” games…you finally know what I am talking about Cleveland since you had a player good enough for the cover for the first time ever.

Pick:  Browns

Green Bay at New York (N) (+6.5)

 The Giants are no strangers to beating teams with unblemished records.  They are also no strangers to looking like crap at key moments like this one, which would go a long way to keeping their playoff hope alive.  But at least they have those cool gladiator-looking facemasks for some of their defensive linemen.

Pick:  Packers

Dallas at Arizona (+4.5)

 How awesome is it that Arizona Cardinals fans (they are like the Yeti, you hear of sightings, but you are pretty sure they don’t exist) have tasted playoff success more recently than Cowboys fans (they are like Yankees fans, they sold their sold to the Devil to be front-runners with everyone else)?  Truly awesome.

Pick:  Cowboys

St. Louis at San Francisco (-13)

 The 49ers have the second best record in the NFL, but they play in the NFC West.  They are like the Harlem Globetrotters just going around to different towns schooling teams that are worse than most high school and college teams in their respective states.

Pick:  49ers

Detroit at New Orleans (-9)

 Its really nice to see that two cities that have suffered as mightily as New Orleans and Detroit have to contending teams like the Saints and Lions.  Its similarly depressing that they are trailing a team from a town that is, well—a town.  They could fit the entire population in Cowboys stadium and they have a good team that all 100 people can enjoy.

Pick:  Lions (and to win)

San Diego at Jacksonville (+3)

 The Chargers are officially in free fall mode.  They have actually been in that mode for that past 7 seasons, but they played in such a terrible division before that it was masked as being a contender.  The Jaguars finally fired their crappy coach, their division has been so good in the past that his work was “doing the best with the talent he had,” but now it has been exposed as just plain terrible.

Pick:  Chargers